A very opinionated girl

Become A Patron Of The Arts! Support Lochai!!

It’s no secret that I have a ridiculous crush on Lochai, and maybe a part of it is because I fell in love with his work as an artist. On top of all that I got to actually meet him yesterday and put my hands on his… prints (I know what you thought I was going to say!)

I know a lot of my readers are people who share my opinion about Lochai’s erotic and bondage images and also share my belief in supporting the art and the artists they love. That’s what this post is all about. Your opportunity to own real art while supporting the arts. It’s a win-win situation.

Lochai has a few gallery shows coming up. He talks about them in the interview we did recently here. In response to my question about his upcoming gallery shows, in particular the exhibition at the World Erotic Art Museum in Miami Beach, FL, this is what he had to say:

Wow…. To hang in a Museum is an amazing thing. To hang in this Museum is even a greater compliment in that the owner/curator, Naomi Wilzig, does not normally collect photography & has only just started to. She has thousands of painting, sculptures and other various articles that have moved her over the years and only a few photographs including ones from a good friend of mine, BT Charles. She has had many one person displays exhibited in the galleries in the 3 years WEAM has been open, but she asked me to be the first photographer. I am also a local so this adds to the pride I feel. Art gallery shows are wonderful but to say that you are displayed in a museum, for me that is something I am very proud of. I will also have Beach Bound added to the permanent collection. I was also the first heterosexual male artist to have a special “Guest Gallery” show that lasted a year of 30 of my images in the Leather Archives & Museum in Chicago http://www.leatherarchives.org/ which just came down in May.

So now here we are, it’s almost time for Lochai’s big show and now it’s time for me to get involved in the only way I know how. I’m holding my own Lochai Pledge Drive to help support Lochai’s upcoming gallery projects. He has never done this before and he may never do this again, it’s truly exclusive (and it will give your grandkids something to bring onto The Antique’s Roadshow!) Think of it is the kinky version of the PBS Pledge Drive - you know, you donate some money and they give you a nice gift to say thank you.

Here’s the rundown - you donate to Lochai’s upcoming shows. Donations are simple and easy - log into PayPal and use Lochai’s email address (nawalochai@kirinawa.com). You can even use your credit card. In return, as a thank-you gift, you receive one of Lochai’s signed prints. The print you will receive will be chosen by Lochai and is from his award-winning gallery.

Donate $25 and receive a signed 4×6 print. This is perfect to frame and put on your nightstand

Donate $50 and receive a signed 5×7 print. This is a perfect size to have on your desk, no?

Donate $75 and receive two signed 5 x 7 prints - a nice little complimentary set for your boudoir. I love the idea of having two complimentary, beautiful images, nicely framed and hung next to each other. MDS says he thinks it would be neat if you’re a couple to frame them and then put one on each of your nightstands. I love MDS. He’s so clever!

Donate $100 and receive one signed 8×10 print - perfect to hang on the wall. Actually Lochai gave me an 8×10 as a gift yesterday and it’s matted, framed, and perfectly placed on my desk, so an 8×10 is really a nice size - you can hang it or place it somewhere special.

For donations more generous than $100.00, please contact Lochai directly. Those donors will be considered sponsors and will not only have their name associated with the show as a sponsor, but as a thank-you gift will receive a signed, limited edition print in a larger size. Again, just contact Lochai directly to discuss this option. He’s a very friendly man!

This post is crazy long today - fair warning!

Life is boring and it’s exciting at the same time.  I kind of do the same thing day after day yet it’s pretty exciting!  I started trying to write sexual fantasies in Spanish, but the reality is that my Spanish isn’t really such that I know all the best sexy slang.  I guess I have a new challenge.

I talked to my friend last night, the hot little 23-year-old teacher that I used to work with, on text.  We hung out for the first time in a long time the other night and got all fucked up.  He knew about part of my secret life while we were teaching together, but not all of it.  Now that we are no longer co-workers, I let him in on a few more secrets.  It all happened because he asked me what i was doing for a living now that I’m not teaching and I mentioned being a PR and Marketing consultant, which led to a discussion of my client list, which led to the inevitable question on my part, “once you see the links to my blogs there is no going back.”  But he is a consenting adult and so he now knows.  How much he knows and what he’s read, I have no idea, but I do really value having true friends who know the true you and not just the social mask you present to most of your friends.

So anyway, it changes things a bit that we don’t work together anymore and that I’m a professional sex writer, worker, and promoter.  It doesn’t change things like all of a sudden I gave him the best head of his life, though that has crossed my mind.  He and I already had a perverted friendship to begin with, so it just really is a new level of perversion that we share in common.  Kind of nice, really.  I have a flirting fetish.

So last night I texted him to find out if he was going to go work out today (Sunday) because I wanted to go running, but instead he says he’s going to Mass and then to brunch.  Okay, I forgot that even though he’s a perverted little man that he is a good little Catholic boy.  So I said something about six different responses I started to his text but they were all too filthy.  So he asked me to send them anyway.  Again…  “Are you sure?  Are you sober?”  LOL.  Seriously.  I don’t appreciate it when people can only be sexual when drunk.  So again I realize he’s just being a little naughty.  So okay.  I play along.  Now I have to try to remember them all.

• Number 1: To sneak off somewhere during mass, one at a time, discreetly, to a place where nobody where nobody would think to look (why would we even be there, nobody would be looking).  A simple lift of the dress and quick fuck and back into mass just as casually and just as discreetly, but with a very naughty secret.
• Number 2: To park far enough away from the church that you could have a quick blow job in the car and I would go into church tasting cum on my lips.
• Number 3: To take the nice little Catholic boy and turn him into a filthy slut who has no purpose other than to satisfy me.
• Number 4: To have hot sex that morning before leaving so that while you’re sitting there in church there is cum dripping out of me into my panties and the subtle scent of my pussy on your fingers.

(He texts, “That’s four by my count, keep going.”)

• Number 5: To be sitting around at brunch with all the nice churchgoing people while messing around with each other under the tablecloth while keeping a straight face.
• Number 6: To give you a reason to confess next week after thinking such filthy thoughts about a married woman.
• Bonus 7: Because I’m competitive and I love cum and know that I am good at what I do.  I figure you’re 23 and so you’ve never had anything like me.  Nobody you’ve ever slept with has ever sucked your cock the way I would and we both know that.
• Bonus 8: It would make all the rumors from school that we were fucking true, which is hot.

So we met up for brunch today.  It was fun, kind of like old times eating together at school.  I watch him devour thousands of calories while I freak out over how many I am eating.  I give him half of my food and take a bite of his, no matter what it is.  Wait.  WTF?!  I didn’t get a taste of his food today.  Now he owes me! It is nice to be able to be perverted with friends and not have it be weird.  I like that about my friends.

Let’s see, what else?  I set up Nikki’s Altered Aperture gallery on Google Photo.  It’s nice to be able to upload galleries, set them as unlisted, and then send someone the auth key to get into the album.  I like Google for a lot of reasons, despite their invasion of privacy that they don’t even try to deny.  I also used Google Photo to make an album to send to my cookie friend to see if I can get a couple of new banners made for me.  He’s a pro and it’s so obvious in his work.   I love to fantasize about my friends.  I should write a new fantasy for my cookie friend one of these days.

I had a nice talk with Melvin about coming to Charlotte.  I really want him to do my first set of nudes and I really want him to shoot a scene with MDS and I.  He’s the perfect person to do it in my mind.   Then I talked to Nikki about shooting with Melvin - he should shoot her, she should shoot him, they should both shoot me (of course), and Nikki also talked about lining up some models she knows and doing a shootout, which I think must mean that they both shoot the same model at the same time from different angles.  Since neither of them seem like gun people or John Wayne, I think that must be what it means.  Anyway, Melvin would be coming to Charlotte as our guest and would stay with us in our home and hopefully will also join us in our cozy, comfy bed, if even just to hang out comfortably.   Who knows what else…  Melvin has a Sir and I have to watch myself from trying to make him Mine.

I came up with a genius idea for a new blog today and now I just have to implement it (buy the domain and set it up).  I can’t let the cat out of the bag yet, but you’ll soon hear about it.  I’m also working on the Quid Pro Quo website, which will soon be moved from WordPress to its own .com domain.  I am going to make a static page for each of our clients and I think it would be nice to blog about it from time to time as well.  I have amazing experiences and conversations with people that others dream of talking to.  It’s good stuff.  I’m leaving everything as a draft at this point until we move it to it’s dot com address.  It’s soooooo much work to move an established blog.  Just don’t make that mistake.  Learn from my earlier mistakes.  Patience over Populating Your Blog if you have any plans to move it at all.

That’s my Sunday.  It’s 6:25 pm.  Busy day.  How was your day?  The image is from Postsecret.com, which you should read every Sunday - it’s one of my favorite days of the week because of Postsecret!

Entré la casa y me senté.  No fue la primera vez que fui a su apartamento.  La otra noche fui para visitar un ratito.  Me emborraché un poquito y fue en este momento que me puse a pensar - como hay catorce años entre nosotros me imagino que nunca ha sentido la boca de una mujer de mi edad, la experiencia con que chupo, el gusto que tengo para hacerlo.  No es la primera vez que pienso en él así, pero sí fue la primera vez que…  que pensé en algunas de las cosas que quisiera hacerlo.

No es que quiero hacernos amantes.  No lo quiero para nada.  Pero quisiera tener esta oportunidad:

Moverme hacía él, tocarle un poquito diciendo algo dulce e inesperable, y quitarle los pantalones sin decir nada y empezar a chuparlo.  ¿Cómo va a reaccionar?  ¿Me va a parar?  Lo dudo.   Quisiera saber.  Siempre quiero ser la mejor y en este caso creo que la sería.

Después de terminar y tragar, le diría que gracias, pero tengo que irme, y me despido sin más que un besito - su sabor todavía en mis labios y un gran secreto en mi mente.   Otro día hablaríamos, sin mencionarlo, pero con un secreto especial entre nosotros, que solamente nosotros sabremos.

I was going to try to write a journal entry last night, but things got all fucked up.  That seems to happen a lot in my life.

I finally made my connection with my pharmacist for my herbal prescription, so I went by his place to pick that up and even took him some cookies - the real kind, made fresh and gooey.  I ate one, but only one because I have re-committed to my ridiculously strict eating program that consists of mostly not eating.

I started running again yesterday and I was really worried that it would suck, but I did run for half an hour and I ran almost the same distance I used to run, so I haven’t lost too much.  I have definitely lost muscle and gained fat as I’ve been injured at least half of this year.  That sucks.  Motivation of the even remote possibility of shooting with Lochai someday is enough motivation to make me lose the final two sizes I need to lose to be a 4.

So running with my friend, Mike like the good old days when I still taught there.  It was really fun and really good for me in a hundred different ways.  The fucker, though…  I texted him last night, “Workout tomorrow?”  and he says, “I never workout on Saturdays.”   Shit.  And it’s a Holiday Weekend.  I fucking hate holidays.  I do.  There is never any benefit to me in holidays.  There’s no mail, everything is closed, the doctors will not refill your prescriptions on weekends or holidays, and nobody’s around.

I digress…

I left my cookie friend’s house and found out that M wouldn’t be able to keep our Friday night dinner date/fireworks in uptown from his place because of some multimillion deal he’s working on.  Okay, I get it.  A multimillion dollar deal takes precedence over dinner, but fuck.  I hate making plans and having them canceled.  I understand, don’t get me wrong - no hard feelings.  I have had to cancel on him due to family obligations before, but fuck!  He is married to his job - I am married to my family.

I came home and had a million things I wanted to get done.  If I’m not going to be out doing something then I should work.  But MDS has been feeling a little left out lately and required attention, undivided put the computer and the cell phone away attention.  So with anxiety I sat and did nothing for hours.  I know it’s good for me to do that sometimes, but it seems very unproductive.

We had great sex.  I’ll write about it on Mr. and Mrs. Kink, though.   Seems a better place for it.  I did think about Lochai coming in my mouth as I came…  I’d say that’s what put me over the top.  I texted him to tell him so this morning, too.

So now it’s Saturday.  I was awakened with a cock in my mouth and a Silver Bullet on my clit.  I was forced to come twice before I could get up and start the day.   Now I have to figure out what to do first.  It’s not a matter of what to do, just what to do first.  There’s so much to do.

I need something.  I just don’t know what it is.

This week’s Good Things List is brought to you by the letter V (for valium) and the number 10 (for the dose)… and readers like you!  (PS: JOIN FETLIFE!)

A Good Blog To Read

Narration by D is this week’s blog pick.  D is the counterpart of another of my favorite blogs Thursday’s Child.  It says in his profile: “From the male perspective, the exploration of a young married couple beyond vanilla sex.”   D is in my BILF list.  His wife is also in my BILF list.  They as a couple are in my BILF list.  Now we just have to figure out how to get into the same state and city!

A Good Toy

I have just gotten my new shipment of toys to review for Vibe Review and I haven’t even formally reviewed it yet on my blog, but so far I can tell you that I adore the Cyberglass Felicity.  I have just recently gotten into glass/pyrex dildos and this one is a perfect starter because of the low price.  You can warm it under some hot water in the sink or you can cool it in the refrigerator for a while (it comes in a nice case, by the way!).  You can use either end, you can play with it vaginally or anally.  I just love it!  Vibe Review happens to be a great company to do business with - a classy online toy company that has a good reputation.  That matters!

A Good Photographer

Erocrush.  Melvin Moten, Jr. is Erocrush.  His work is special to me.  He is special to me.  I consider him a very good friend.  He allows me to use his images all the time on my blogs.  I know that you have enjoyed them.  Like Lochai, who I’m in love with, Melvin isn’t shooting for the porn content market.  He shoots fetish and erotic art that he enjoys.  With real women, that he enjoys.  With real couples.  One thing I noticed about Melvin’s work is that his models obviously feel so natural with him that they forget he’s even there.  It’s as though you’re actually there, in the scene, a voyeur.  I love Melvin.  I want Melvin to shoot me.  With any luck at all, this fall, he will.  Then I will have my way with him!  If you click on the (perfect) image in this post (by Erocrush) it will magically take you to his site.  Fear not! It will open in a new window and you won’t lose the Good Things List!

A Good Pay Site

Inescapable Bondage is January Seraph’s new content site.  She has been shooting their own content like crazy.  She and her hotter than hell partner-in-crime, Smutty, have been violating all kinds of men and women.  This is Brand Spanking New!  January isn’t, of course.  She’s got a great reputation as a top model and actress already, but this site is so new that you’re probably the first one you know to see it! 

A Good Blogger Resource

The Week In Kink.  Duh.  I sat here and tried to think about this one for a while and then I realized, if you’re a good blogger and you have good posts, then you should send me a little note.  Each week I go through blogs that I like and pick the hottest posts and then publish them on TheWeekInKink.Com.  I just want to be clear that I’m not trying to compete with Sugasm.  It’s not a democracy - it’s just a list of my top favoritest, hottest, made me want to masturbate posts.  :)

A Good Group

It’s widely known that I love FetLife.  I’m an official greeter there now, which makes me feel extra special.  What makes me feel super, duper special, though, is starting a new Charlotte Kinksters group (it’s called Charlotte, NC - The Queen of Kink, since we are the Queen City!)  If you join FetLife you can join the Charlotte Kinky group.  The idea is that we could all get together for informal gatherings and have a little community here that isn’t quite as formal as CAPEX.

A Good Alternative Education Resource/CommUNITY Source

This is the place to go to find professional alternative educators, presenters, event planners, vendors, dm/security/medical, legal, volunteers, and more.  Everybody claims to be a sex educator, but this group is truly respected within the commUNITY as the leaders in their fields.  Now, you can learn from them.  Oh, it’s no coincidence you’ll find Lochai there.  Wouldn’t you die to take a bondage class with Lochai?  Oh my…  You can also take classes with people like Claire Adams.  OMG.  I’m in heaven. 

[This beautiful image is of Narration by D.  I can't even begin to express how much I want him.]

Catalina Loves:

• Catalina loves Lochai…ahhhh fantasies
  
• Catalina loves new toys from Vibe Review
  

Catalina Says:

• Monday’s Slut Journal
  
• FetLife Bloggers Anonymous Blogroll

The Momme Domme:

• Coming Soon To A Clip Store Near You
• Men In Pain Knows How CBT Should Be Done

Corset and Collar:

• Is It Thursday Yet?
• I want it! I want it! I want it! I want it! It’s At Exquisite Restraints Corsets

Breathplay Fetish Blog:

• A Hot Medical FemDom Scene With Mz. Berlin, Kayla Paige, And A Dirty Sponge Gag
  
• Liberator Sex Ramp/Wedge Combo: Sex Furniture Built To Last

Mr. and Mrs. Kink (dot com):

• Mr. Kink Uses Mrs. Kink The Way She Was Meant To Be Used
• Way Back Wednesday: You Don’t Get To Tell Me No
  

Marky D. Sade’s Sexy BDSM Blog:

• Fetish Model Mz. Berlin is Tied Up and Forced To Suck Cock and Fuck
• Sgt. Major puts Claire Adams in Full Suspension Bondage

Mz. Berlin’s Blog:

• My Netflix Queue Needs You!
• Zen and The Art of Pornographic Madness

Married Exploits:

• New Record

No Limits: His slave’s Total Submission:

• my rules
• a slave missing her Owner

Kinkerbelle:

• Monday Memories~
• Porn’d Pages?
  

Curvaceous Dee:

• View From The Bottom HNT

Lady Sascha, Cocktease Extraordinaire:

• Get a Load of These Gams

And please take a few minutes to check out the great posts at True Grime.

So there you have it. The Week In Kink with a few new friends on the

JOIN FETLIFE!  Only if you’re cool and you like to be around cool people like me!  No trolls allowed :)

Thursdays are good days usually.  So close to the weekend you can feel it!  I do a lot of photoshoots with Nikki on Thursday.  In fact, today’s new toy shoot is today.  But it’s been a while since we just hung out, Nikki and I, so I’m looking forward to just hanging out and chilling out with her for a while.  I hear that she’s bought a paysite, so we’re going to look at the code together and such.

Last night I went to hang out with my friend Mike.  I used to teach with him and I haven’t seen him since I quit.  He has since learned of my activities and thinks it’s pretty cool.  I told him not to read my blogs unless he’s prepared to see more than he is used to seeing.  A better way to make a living than teaching, for sure.  I am on valium for my shoulder, though, remember?  High dose of valium + 3 beers = vomit.  I wasn’t feeling good.  So I came home around 1:30 and hung out for a while.  I do love hanging out with Mike though.  He’s 23.  I’m 36.  It’s nice to feel young.

I got up late today and now it’s time to start the day.  I’ve already done a bunch of FetLife stuff.  That is fun to do now that I’m an official greeter - I get to get to be even MORE social than usual.  I also wrote a hot fantasy for Lochai…  just a little one, since it was like 3 am, but…  something for him to read anyway.  I swear to God if I ever get the chance, I will do whatever that man tells me to do… and with gusto!  I’ll stick to sending dirty texts for now.

I did try to masturbate last night, but with so much valium in my body it took like half an hour.  I’m not even kidding.  My good old Hitachi even got hot.  It wasn’t for lack of effort.  The filthy thoughts that ran through my mind as I felt my orgasm building for what seemed like forever were fithier than usual even!  It just was a matter of being drugged.  Finally, I came.  It wasn’t earthshattering and I was sad.  I went to sleep feeling fairly unsatisfied.  MDS was already asleep.

Tonight I’m going to do pics with Nikki (Altered Aperture) and then with any luck at all I’m going to M’s to hang out with him for a little while to smoke out and catch up.  He’s been working and out of town a lot and I’ve missed him more than I should.  I think tomorrow night we’re going out to dinner, I just don’t know where.  He usually does not tell me - he just tells me how to dress for the night and then we meet at his place and he drives. Sadly next month (August) he’ll be gone for a couple of weeks again traveling.  Jealousy creeps in.

Our bedroom is much more love nestier now that I’ve kicked out the children’s paraphernalia.  It’s a really important thing to me to make sacred spaces in my home.  I like to meditate and do yoga in my room, so doing that around the little Tykes playland isn’t so serene.

That’s about it.  If I keep writing now, I’ll just be looking for something to say…  when I have something important, I’ll write again.

I do have one other opinion.  The state of North Carolina has its head up its ass.  I paid my car taxes and then got a bill for car taxes for a Lexus I don’t own.  Bureaurocracy in this state is worse than anywhere I’ve ever lived.  Hooray for Oregon where registration costs $50 for like 3 years, there are no sales/car taxes, and people pump your gas for you.  I do really miss Oregon today.

I’ve given a lot of thought lately to my style of domination as I’ve been working a lot on The Momme Domme.  I’m not like most Dommes.  I don’t go through all the ridiculous bullshit and high and mighty protocol crap.  In fact, I think that the same things that make me a good Momme are the same things that make me a good Domme.  In both cases, the following things are very simple, but very true:

• I demand total and complete authority.  What I say goes.  Period.  It is my responsibility to consider all involved and there is room for respectful discussion, but in the end, the decision is mine and mine alone.
• It matters as much what as is said as how it is said.
• If I give a task to be done and a time limit in which to do it, it must be done or there will be consequences.
• Permission is necessary for most activities.  Privileges are earned and can be revoked.
• Backtalk is never acceptable.
• Bratty behavior results in isolation.
• Sometimes a spanking is necessary.
• Good behavior is rewarded and praised lavishly.
• I feel tenderly and sweetly, maternal, in both cases.

So that’s it - basically I’m bossy and I’m always right.  But isn’t every Momme (Domme)?

It’s no secret that I’m an insomniac.  Once someone even titled me an insomniatic.  I liked him.  We had good talks in the middle of the night.  It’s a shame that things ended the way they did.

Ok, so enough of that.  Today has been an extremely busy day.  I moved (with the help of my dear friend Edward at Exjinn Networks) The Week In Kink.com, SatinesBlog.com (not yet live), and soon we’ll be moving Quid Pro Quo PR, which is currently hosted on Wordpress.com.  It’s a lot of work to move a blog.  You can usually back up your data files, but bookmarks and widgets and links are just gone.  *poof*

Aside from that, I had to go through all of the other blogs (10 of them) and add links to the blogrolls and also to the about pages.  What a pain in the arse.  I live for this shit though.  I actually love the details of it.  I get off on it.  So I’m bitching, but here I sit happily doing it.

I’ve just found out that I am an official FetLife Greeter.  I’m a friendly soul, and I’m friendly in multiple languages, so I think I’ll do a good job for them.  Besides, I like to be special.  I’m like the head FetLife Cheerleader these days.  I think John may be worried that I’m trying to take over his empire, but in fact, I’m just trying to take in his empire.  (Ha ha, I make wit der sex puns).

I think I have masturbated about eight times since opening my new box from VibeReview.com.  I masturbated with Marky D. Sade last night (which ended up in him watching me play with all of my toys).  I masturbated alone in the early morning.  I masturbated again right after that.  And then MDS came home and I masturbated (and fucked him) again!  I’m really loving this new batch of toys!!!!

I have tried out the Iris, the Cyberglass Felicity, The Magnificent Vibrating Glove (mine came in fuschia, by the way), The Stubby G, and even the lube!  The only thing I haven’t tried yet is the new corset harness, which I’m pretty excited about.  By the way, they spell it Corsette Harness if you are searching for it.

Alright, so aside from being Wile E. Coyote, Superblogger and Masturbatrix extraordinaire, I have gotten some normal people things done.  I reorganized my sex toy drawers and washed the covers on the Liberator wedge/ramp combo.  I was wanting to wash them, dry them, and replace the covers before I finish my official review of the product.   I am really hoping that the next thing I receive from Liberator is the Black Label Esse.  It seems so perfectly perfect.  It would be such a debate.  Should we fuck on the Wedge/Ramp combo tonight or on the Esse?  What?! The bed?  How novel!

Hmmmm.  What else?  I have started to re-nest my love nest.  Now that our baby is three, it’s time to re-claim our space.  So I’ve been nesting around a bit.  Before we had the baby, W was not allowed in our room except for very special occasions.  Now it seems like our bedroom is our family room so it’s time to lay down the law.  Pretty easy, since W is still in Oregon.  She is still miserable.  This is the year that she has decided to hate her stepmonster.  I keep quiet about it, believe it or not, and tell her to mind her manners.  One of the few things that I think my mother did right was to never badmouth my father (though he deserved it several times.)  To this day, she does not say a negative word about him.  I think that’s the way it should be.  I play by those rules anyway.

I’m starting to upload live shows to ColdplayLiveArchive.com with a detailed review of each show.  I’m still figuring out a few things, but soon there will be more Coldplay than you can shake a stick at, and Chris Martin will send me an email begging me for my extensive live collection.  He will fly here in his private jet, take me out to dinner at Blue, my favorite restaurant, and I will deliver his stack of DVD’s to him as I suck his cock underneath the tablecloth.   I just know it :)

Well, that seems like a perfect way to end today’s journal entry.  I hope you enjoy the idea of Chris Martin lovingly feeding me his cock for dinner as much as I do.