How I Lost 120 Lbs.

Before, During, and (Almost) After…

Since writing this post on Corset and Collar, I’ve received something like 20 emails from people who want to know how I lost 120 lbs. Their questions were everything from Will you send me your diet? to Did you have a gastric bypass? I thought about writing something for a while about it, but Catalina Loves isn’t really the right place to talk about losing a ton of weight, nor are any of the rest of the blogs. So here it sits, at Catalina Says.

So the big secret to my weight loss is: Journaling. There you go. Disappointed? Confused? I know that writing a journal doesn’t have anything to do with losing weight, at least directly. But here’s why I say that writing is the secret: through writing I found a way to deal with the pain of the past while figuring out where I wanted my future to go. It really is that simple. On paper I admitted things to myself that I couldn’t/wouldn’t ever admit to a therapist. Obviously I had to change how I ate and exercise, but that truly came as a result of finding self-worth, self-esteem, and self-respect through journaling.

But, I think that the people who wrote to me are looking for more than that. Everybody in the world knows that you have to deal with your demons to lose weight, but the nuts and bolts of it is the difference between diets. My diet started very casually. I didn’t really exercise in the beginning, but keep in mind I had something like 150 lbs. to lose (I still have 30 to go) and when you cut a thousand calories in snacks out of your diet at that weight, it’s not difficult to shed pounds.

I started walking around my block at night (when nobody else was out and would see me). I can’t exercise in the morning - I can barely wake up in the morning when there is a fiscal motivator behind it. I looked at it as an opportunity to be alone and listen to music, which are two things I don’t get enough of. It kind of sucked at first. Let’s be honest, if I found it to be fun, I would have been doing it all along. However, I envisioned myself thinner and I really wanted it. So, I focused on the music and just kept walking.

Within a few months I was doing yoga. On FitTV you can do just about any kind of exercise class you can imagine, but in your bedroom with the door closed and the curtains drawn. Namaste Yoga is a really gentle yoga and I started by doing that. It’s only a half an hour, which means once you fast forward through commercials it is only a 22 minute workout, which I figured just about anyone can do (even me). I had done yoga in the past, but wasn’t a fan. Maybe it’s because I felt so self-conscious the entire time in a public class that I couldn’t fully participate in yoga. I moved onward and upward to Oxygen’s Inhale Yoga, which is more intense and is an hour long. It kicks my ass, still. Even now when it sucks, I still envision myself looking the way I want to look and I continue on.

I started running and messed around with lifting weights in the fall last year, but I haven’t been running lately since I quit my job and no longer have access to the faculty gym. It’s way to hot to run outside here, and I still don’t really like to exercise in public, so I doubt I’ll be running anytime soon. At some point I hope to be able to afford a gym membership so that I can lift weights and swim, though.

As for diet: There really is no secret. You already know it. Eat well and eat often. Duh. I did not have a gastric bypass. I think it’s not a bad alternative, but I wasn’t really willing to go through the B.S. to get it approved and paid for by the insurance company, and I certainly couldn’t afford to do it without. The path of least resistance was self-discipline. I had to expect demand more of myself. I had to choose every day to eat right. I ate oatmeal every day for lunch for almost a year. I eat a lot of steamed broccoli, cauliflower, pork, and chicken. I only eat after 8 pm if it is truly a special occasion, like a dinner party, where someone else has control over dinnertime. I eat every three hours, but only about a hundred calories at a time. I try not to eat over 1,000 calories a day (and when I do, I kind of freak out). I haven’t eaten fast food since February of 2007, I didn’t eat dessert for a year, and I completely cut snack foods like chips and cookies.

Self-discipline has become a very important part of my life. It gives me a lot of strength to know that I have the self-discipline to do what it takes to achieve my goals. However, I have to say that I don’t recommend my diet plan to anyone. I know that it has flaws, so please don’t point that out. I don’t have enough variety, I don’t eat enough calories in a day, and I’m too rigid about food. I think that in ways I am cuckoo about food now. I have recently tried to lighten up on Friday nights when I go out to dinner with my friend, because nobody enjoys eating dinner with someone who won’t eat dinner. The only difference is that I sometimes have a martini or two, and I sometimes eat dessert. That’s a huge step for me, though. At first I was convinced that I would gain five pounds overnight, but that hasn’t happened (yet).

So there you have it. The Secret To Weight Loss is Self-Respect. I think maybe I’ll write more on the subject. Writing this it reminds me to write about how losing 120 pounds. has changed my life and relationships.