Entries Tagged 'Bitching' ↓
November 24th, 2008 — Bitching
Image from Postsecret.com
I know so many writers, photographers, artists, sex workers, bloggers, and in general people who post about their life publicly who are in a very negative space and yet really never write about it publicly because there is this almost taboo to writing about the real life shit that isn’t sexy or glamorous or somehow detracts from your persona. Well, fuck that. I’m just going to say it. Sometimes everything sucks in my day. Today was one of those days.
I think I’ve cried four times, well maybe five. I think I’ll go for a late night walk and try to have a better day tomorrow. Fuck. Sometimes you just can’t win.
October 12th, 2008 — Bitching, Email, FetLife
Reason #228 to join Fetlife and leave Myspace behind
No kidding, this was in my inbox at Myspace from someone I’ve never spoken to before who isn’t even in my friends list. It is completely unedited:
Hi beautiful
My name is Richard I am very new to myspace i was looking through when I went through your profile,I must say it really set an attraction to me,I would like to get to know you better,Well I live in Atlanta GA I look for someone caring,loving,sharing,affectionate,passionate,easy going, Good fearing and supportive woman to love me for me and me alone and not love me for what i do for them cos i give it all when it comes to a relationship and always there for my woman,if she does this,i will treat her like no man as ever treated her before and make her my one and only Love.,Pls you can write me back at my personal email:@ comebemywifey@yahoo.com or you can chat with me on yahoo messenger,my yahoo id is: {comebemywifey} so i will be looking forward to read from u or to chat with you very soon….
Richard
Thanks, but no thanks, Dick.
October 10th, 2008 — Altered Aperture, Bitching, Bondage, Books, Coldplay, Collars, Español, FetLife, Fetish, Hogtied, Movies, Mr. F., My Fetish Diary, Pro Photo Tours, Shopping, Stuff and Things, Sugasm, Toys, Updates, Websites
Catalina by AlteredAperture.com
Catalina’s Favorite Sex Blog Posts Of The Week!
::psst… for more hot sex blog links go to Sugasm.com::
September 18th, 2008 — Audacia Ray, Bitching, Blogs, Lochai, Stuff and Things
Postsecret.com
How stupid is it that if I were in the same video as the guy in the post yesterday that the video would be R-rated because it would show my boobs, but that same man, who has bigger boobs than I do, by the way, can show his freely? What is it about the areola and nipple of a woman that make it naughtier than the rest of the breast? Why is it that it’s okay to fuck for money as long as you sell it as a movie? I wonder why. I really do.
So Lochai left today for San Francisco. I’ll be writing his blog as he updates me over the phone for the week. That’s kind of fun, actually and he knows I love doing it for him, so make sure you read it!
You didn’t hear it from me, but there is a contest on Catalina Loves tomorrow. That’s it in my world. Life is busy and I have less and less time to write freely.
September 11th, 2008 — Bitching, M, Stuff and Things
Image from Postsecret.com
Today is M’s birthday - Happy Birthday M! It’s also my Oma’s birthday - she was born in 1919. Happy Birthday, Oma! I’m pretty certain she doesn’t read my blog. Oma, is German for Grandma. When we were growing up, my German great-grandma lived with my grandparents, so we called the German great-grandma Oma and my grandma grandma, Grandma. Well, after Oma (the original Oma) died in 1990 and I had W in 1994, she took over the name and she is now Oma. Long story to say that Oma means grandma in German.
On a totally separate thought, I thought that was “over” my helicopter crash, that the PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) from all those years ago is still there, but just manifests in a different way. When I reach critical mass, I go straight to panic mode - fight or flight - worst case scenario, the result is… panic. The other night I was so upset that I took Valium and still couldn’t go to sleep. I feel the actual panic response, my heart pounding faster and my breath more like panting. I can’t let go of that sense of doom.
The constant guilt of not having found Cindy’s son yet to pass along her dying words haunts me, yet I can’t figure out where to even start to find him. I don’t even know his name.
Wow, where do I go from there? How about them Yankees?
I have work to do, for real — as much as it would be nice to sit here and ponder life, I have to get back to work. And no easy way out of an awkward post.
September 8th, 2008 — BestSexBloggers.com, Bitching, Blogs, FetLife, Lochai, Mr. F., Stuff and Things, The Dude, Toys
I was in the habit of writing these posts late, late at night, when I was ready to go to bed. It was my way of unwinding at the end of a long day, but in an attempt to lead a normal life, I’ve actually tried to keep normal people hours. I even took a weekend off! Kind of. I still worked a little. There are certain things, like doing greeting on FetLife.com that would require someone else to take my work if I wanted time off. This weekend was not the weekend to ask someone to take my work. We were in the midst of adding greeters to help with the additional demand of hundreds of new members a day. So I mostly took a weekend off.
My pregnant, Christian neighbor moved and my bitch, nurse neighbor is gone for a while. This means that for a short time I can drown out the noise of my little one (who is 3, ugh) and the dog I’m dogsitting for The Dude with music. I live in a townhouse. We lived in our own home until we moved to North Carolina, so we didn’t have to worry about whether or music was reverberating through the walls. The dog is actually really chill, considering she’s never been here before, there is a preschooler chasing her around, and three hostile cats sit on the other side of the gate and taunt her. Chaos is an understatement for my working environment today.
We’re not really dog people. We like them, but we just consider having a dog like having another child - that you can’t diaper and will eat your underwear. On the other hand, you can leave it in a cage all day and go somewhere else. The Dude’s pup is okay though. He brought her house and said we could just leave her in her kennel all day, but that wasn’t working out. She was howling from upstairs so we have let her run free reign in the house with the cats and the baby. Yikes. So far there has only been one YIP as she got her nose batted by a kitty.
I wonder what it’s like to get a task done without interruption. Several other bloggers and sex writers I know are also moms and dads - we commiserate over the peaceful lives we once led…
Well, I have to wrap it up quickly today. I have an short email interview to write for Peter Acworth — I owe one to TR for helping me with that! One of these days he and I will meet and I’ll have to personally thank him.
Damn, I miss running! And Lochai! And Mr. F!
And if you haven’t yet, get your ass over to BestSexBloggers.com and enter the reader’s contest! You could win a really nice (and yes, brand new!) sex toy from EdenFantasys.com
September 4th, 2008 — Bitching, Stuff and Things, Weight Loss
Icanhascheezburger.com
I had to buy a new bra today - a 34A. Where the hell did my boobs go? Breasts, okay, but for this post I’m sticking with boobs.
What you might not know is that in my 20’s I was a size H. I had boobs, natural boobs, the size of Mz Berlin’s. I had breast reduction surgery in the mid-90’s to reduce my gignormous, and in my opinion burdensome, boobies to a size C. Now, at the time I was a much larger woman. Here’s Bra 101 for you men: The number is the size around your chest and the letter is your cup size small to large. I went from a 46H to a 46C.
Even though I considered myself to be fat, I still felt like I had proportionate boobs for the first time and I loved them! I showed them off to anybody who would look. I ran around braless for the first time, showing off my perky nipples to the world! I got my nipples pierced even, twice (why I took the first piercings out I don’t remember). Oh, it’s safe to say that even at something like 230 lbs., I still felt sexy - curvy with great tits.
One of the things I did not anticipate in this giant weight loss adventure was losing my precious boobs (bewbs, breasts, tits, jugs, and boobies). I dropped down to a 40B, then to a 36B, and then 34B. Each time I noticed that I filled out my new bra less and less. I’ve been talking for weeks about needing to buy a smaller bra, joking that I would have to give W my old bra as she grows and I shrink.
I’ve been dreading it and anticipating it in many ways. At one time I dreamed of being flat chested, but I never actually imagined it or envisioned it. I have noticed over the last few weeks in particular that there is noticeable space between my skin and the fabric of my 34B bra that I love so much. I noted it to Mark, who is always sweet to point out that he’s really only interested in my nipples.
I gave in today and bought a 34A. The last time I remember wearing a 34A it was a training bra (What exactly do training bras train? Has anyone figured that out?) and I think I was 10. This wasn’t part of the plan. When I envisioned losing 150 lbs., I didn’t really factor in my boobs. I was just thinking about being a size 4, my goal.
I’ve gone from being the girl with the second biggest boobs in high school (my sister is 3 years older and had bigger boobs) to being the Mom with the boobs smaller than a teenager. What the fuck happened? The other day some guy called me “flat-chested” as an insult. Holy shit!
Women who are curvy and scrumptious, dare I say, fat, are curvy and scrumptious. They do have the wonderful curves and the soft feminine tenderness that, in my opinion, fat provides. Fat women that I find attractive are to me, in a way, so attractive because they do embody that motherly femininity that gives one comfort and warmth, the heft of weight in a breast held in your hand is sexy. I miss that kind of feminine sexiness.
Coming to terms with my new body means I really do have to accept that my boobs are gone. It’s not tragic, and I would never want anybody to compare this little pathetic observation of my body changing to the sudden loss of your boobs due to mastectomy - whole different game, not just ballpark. They are gone, though, and the scars beneath them that are all that remain from the previous surgery leave me looking as though I’ve had them removed.
What I was just commenting to Marky is that I lost all this weight to feel sexier, and yet in many ways I feel less sexy. Losing my boobs is for sure one of them.
September 1st, 2008 — Bitching, M, Stuff and Things, The Dude
Image from Postsecret.com (READ IT)
I have so much to say, yet nothing. I feel overstimulated, overworked, overstressed - inundated with information. My goal was to get offline and spend the entire evening relaxing with my husband. It is 1:54 am in this exact moment. I don’t think I realized my goal. I haven’t gone to sleep before 3 am for at least three days. What I need is an entire day’s sleep. A full sleep until the afternoon and then get up and eat and go back to bed for the night kind of sleep. I don’t see that happening anytime soon. I miss running!
I had a lot of errands to run today, basically being the Mom taxi to and from here and there. W has quite an active social life and I try to accommodate her as much as I can. It’s something I didn’t have as a child so it’s neat to see her live a better life than i did. She’s already had amazing experiences and has had opportunities most kids her age haven’t had. She is certainly at an advantage in her Spanish class, since she hears me speak Spanish and if we study for a quiz together, I know the correct answer. She has to hold her own. She does her own homework, I don’t look over it. I help her, if she needs help, like I do for any other class. Get out the textbook and find the example in the textbook and apply it.
My friend, M, is back in town and texted me. I hope that he and I get to hang out sometime soon - it’s been weeks and knowing his busy schedule, we may not cross paths this weekend. Who knows? I am looking forward to hearing about his travels all over Asia. Maybe he brought me a shell and a vial of sand? I requested something small.
I’ve decided that from the perspective of a person like me who works 7 days a week, that Labor Day Weekend is nothing but an inconvenience. Unless you have a sweet 9-5 gig with a great salary and benefits package, it just means that you can’t do business as usual. I still have work to do, I’m just hobbled by the rest of the world that is closed. I realize this is petty bitching. That’s what I do sometimes.
September 11th is coming up, and I wonder a couple of things:
1) Will people stop and take notice or will it fade away with every passing year?
2) Will my grandma know that it’s her birthday? She still thinks I live in Ohio, despite visiting here.
3) How will the Presidential candidates use 9/11 to their advantage? Of course they will each do something grand and I wonder what that will be. I honestly still think I might vote for Ralph Nader.
That’s it for my questions.
I feel so out of touch with the every day world, like current events and what is on television. In a way, that’s a very good thing. There was a time when I just didn’t watch tv, and not for moral or ethical reasons, but because I didn’t own one, couldn’t pay for cable, and had better things to do than watch TV. We had a tiny tv/vcr combo and we watched movies sometimes. That sufficed. I always tivo The Soup. That’s how I know it’s Friday (or it’s recently been Friday). The Soup and McLaughlin Group are at the top of the tivo list. I think those are the only two shows I really keep up with now. Random, I know.
Well, today has been a very rough day. I have to call it quits. Just a bit of advice to anybody reading: When in doubt, just do the right thing.
2:24 am officially. I hate losing sleep over things I can’t really control. Why do I do this to myself?
August 30th, 2008 — Bitching, Books, Coldplay, Stuff and Things
Postsecret.com for More Secrets
Sometimes I love knowing a delicious secret. Sometimes secrets are a burden. In this case, it’s a burden.
I’m going to spend some time cleaning my house this weekend. I feel like I’ve spent so much time working that I haven’t taken care of myself as well as I should. It is Labor Day Weekend, as someone pointed out to me yesterday, and I have some things to take care of home. This weekend I’m going to write, read, watch tv, clean my house, watch Coldplay shows from last week I haven’t seen yet, catch up on projects already in progress, answer whatever emails I get, and put everything else on hold until Tuesday morning.
I took W to coffee today for an hour and just spent time talking about her week at school, just the two of us. It was nice to spend time alone together, no distractions. She is, of course, kicking ass at school. Spanish is very easy for her, obviously. Her year of Latin last year has made it easier for her to understand the concept of a 2nd person plural verb conjugation. Did I mention she had an A in Latin last year? Ok, bragging a bit, but what Mother can resist?
Blerg. I’m tired. I think I’m officially worn out. I need to recharge.
August 30th, 2008 — Bitching, Blogs, Bondage, Books, Español, Graydancer, Hogtied, Lochai, M, Movies, Mr. F., Quid Pro Quo, Recommendations, Stuff and Things, Toys, Websites, Weight Loss
More funny Lolcats at Icanhascheezburger.com
We have been so busy working that I didn’t know that it was Friday and I didn’t know it was Friday of Labor Day Weekend. I was on the phone with a magazine discussing placing an ad on behalf of one of my clients and I told him that I would follow up with him tomorrow. He questioned, “Tomorrow, as in Saturday? On Labor Day Weekend?”
Ok, so apparently I’m in a time warp. I’ve lost touch with the day, the date, and even sometimes the time. My friends have hurt feelings that I don’t have the time for them that I used to. I haven’t been able to shoot with Nikki or even just hang out with her for longer than a half an hour for over a month! M is traveling in Asia right now, but if he came home tomorrow and asked me out to dinner at my favorite restaurant in Charlotte (Blue) I would have to turn him down! If Mr. F suddently texted me and begged me to come out and play, I’d have to turn him down! No, I’m a busy girl. I have a Husband and two girls and three cats (and a boat and a mansion). They have to come first.
I have very little personal time these days. If I’m not working, I’m spending time with Marky and the girls. There are the occasional jags of 10 minutes alone here and 10 minutes alone there, when Marky takes Little to pick up Big from school, but personal time is a joke. I hate it when people ask me what my hobbies, interests, or pasttimes are. I don’t have any anymore. I have to block time in my schedule to help Big with her homework and to play with Little.
So the other day I went to the doctor’s office, don’t panic!, I was just there for new prescriptions, and I had a whole new experience! For the first time, ever, I enjoyed it. I sat in the waiting room listening to Coldplay on my pseudopod, I read part of a book that I’m reading to review on my blog, and I just sat and did nothing for like 15 minutes while I waited. What? My turn already? No, please, let the old lady here who is coughing her head off go first. Take the screaming kid in. I’ll stay here with Chris and smut. But instead, I put it all in my handbag and made the trek to the scales.
I explain to the nurse, as I strip off every possible piece of clothing that still leaves me socially acceptable, that I’m just here to follow up, yadda yadda. She looks in my chart and notices that I’ve lost 130 lbs. Always the same question, “So how did you do it?” Always the same answer, “Eat fewer calories and burn more”. So she asks me if I’m at my goal weight, commenting that I look great (which, felt really nice, so thank you, random nurse!) I explained that I still have 20 lbs. to go, that I want to weigh 120 lbs. She comments, “From where?!” (Thanks again, random nurse!)
So she walks me down the hallway to the little exam room, the whole time explaining how she’s tried so many times to lose weight, but she just can’t stick with it. Sometimes I feel like people have to justify it to me that they haven’t lost weight and I have. It’s an odd feeling. I think some people feel like I’m judging them on an “I did it, so why can’t you?” sort of thing, but really - to each their own path.
She sits me on the exam table (oh, it’s starting to sound like an erotic tale now). She goes through my file and asks some standard stuff and says, “The Doctor Will Be In Shortly…” on her way out the door.
Finally, alone again with Chris and my smut. I’m hanging out, completely isolated, headphones, and a book for the first time in ?? and what does the damned doctor do? She comes in promptly five minutes later! We joked that it was my only personal time in like 6 months and I told her that if she had other patients that I would gladly wait. I actually really like my doctor. She remembers me. It makes me feel like I’m not just a chart. She remembers our first visit, when I cried through the whole thing. She remembers that I used to work for a local school and she knows that I no longer work there and instead run my own PR firm. She knows about all of my fucked up injuries from my helicopter crash. I, in turn, remember that she also likes to run and that her father was a Spanish teacher. She once told me that in her day to day practice, Spanish classes in college have proven to be more useful than her Chemistry classes. Interesting insight. She set me up with new scripts and sent me out the door. I was home in an hour. Truly amazing!
Okay, aside from my weird story about going to the doctor there are some cool things going on. I got some sex toys in the mail and I received a surprise package from Lochai with a very generous gift - a very nice signed copy of Beach Bound. I am so unbelievably touched. Thank You, again, Lochai! I wish you nothing but good things in San Francisco at Hogtied.com. Funny thing about Lochai and Hogtied.com - all of my friends in the business (and I think even Graydancer has said) if he wasn’t such a great guy and so perfect for the position, they would all be so jealous. Instead, they are truly happy and think the right guy got the job.
I also got a package in the mail from Audacia Ray. If you haven’t seen her site, go there now. I will wait. Go ahead. It’s WakingVixen.com. Don’t worry - I have Chris while you are gone. I’d like to say that everything in the box was for me, but it’s not. Some of it is! But there are also some copies of her book, “Naked On The Internet,” and DVD, “The Bi Apple,” and T-shirts to use for promotions. I sent one of her books to Sarah Sloane, who is an amazing educator and writer. I can’t wait for her to read, watch, and react! I’ll cross post her review when she does it.
In more mundane news, I went to the DMV today because according to the stickers on my tags, my tags expire at the end of this month. However, I am unable to renew online because I am not within my three month renewal window. So I look at the registration card and according to that my registration is good through January, 09. Well, no wonder! However, this doesn’t solve the problem that in North Carolina unlawful search and seizure means nothing. Law enfocement spends a good portion of their budget on drunk stops on Saturday night, while in the meantime Charlotte has a higher crime rate than New York City. That’s kind of stupid to me. At any rate, in a standard drunk stop you hand one officer your license and the other officer checks your inspection sticker and tags. If you’re square, you’re on your way, with a smile and a wave. They are very polite. However, the next time I go through a drunk stop, we’re going to have an issue. My tags say this and my registration card says that. So I proactively go to the DMV to look into it. I’ve got all my paperwork lined up and I’ve got my book and my pod - having learned from my experience at the doctor’s office that it could really just be considered personal time standing in line at the DMV. I look up their address just to be certain on the internet and head out the door. The DMV is gone. The building is gone. There is no sign. There is no nothing. Just piles of concrete. WTF?! Baffled, I went home. I still haven’t been able to find out where the new DMV is. Oh, and I should have prefaced this whole conversation with - this came to my attention in the first place when I got the tax bill for someone with my name who owns a Lexus. I own a Hyundai. So how can you convince the DMV and tax office that you don’t own something that they say you do own? It was a project!
There is much to do and little time, so my writing here gets more and more sporadic. Think of it as a good sign. RSS Subscribe so you don’t have to wonder if I’ve written anything amusing lately. With luck and hard work, we will be busier and busier as our business grows.
