Entries Tagged 'Weight Loss' ↓

Postsecret.com every Sunday!

Life is very busy and I’m not sure how much I’ll get a chance to write.  This is truthfully one of my favorite blogs to write because it’s just the one where I get to sit down and say ” blah “.  What comes out comes out.

Today we officially became the marketing department for FetLife.com, which is exciting!  Marky is really the genius at it.  I talk to people.  I’m good at networking.  He’s good at actually making the deals in the dunes.   Between the two of us we’re a great team.  We think in such different ways that what seems obvious to me wasn’t to him and vice-versa.   You can advertise through FetLife.com by contacting me (catalina@fetlife.com) or Mark (mark@fetlife.com).

Also big announcement today from Lochai.  He was offered and has accepted the position at Kink.com as the new webmaster/director of Hogtied.com.  He recently went out there (to San Francisco) and did a shoot.  You can watch it here.  I am fortunate enough to have seen it already and I’m telling you - I adored Lochai before, but now I adore Lochai.  What a yummy scene.  That’s all I’m saying about it.  You have to see for yourself!

Another crazy announcement in my circle:  Audacia Ray is no longer writing The Naked City.  I know?!  What the hell are they thinking?  Sometimes I wonder.

In other news - I received copies of Rachel Kramer Bussel’s books Spanked!, Tasting Her, and Tasting Him.  The thing is, I think that Marky is supposed to review Tasting Her and I was to review Tasting Him, but I like both books!  Being bisexual means I get to review both :)  I need to get to work on reviews though, because I have a few books and movies that I need to give my opinion on - I know my opinion influences the greater society as a whole, and without it you will be paralyzed - do I buy the book or not?!  What about this dildo?!  What does Catalina Say?!

I can’t remember if I already mentioned this, but I’m writing now for Trufetish.com and I think this month I’m going to write about polyamory, feeding off of the two articles that are already there.  I’ve been on both sides of the pond, as a couple with a girlfriend or a boyfriend and also as the girlfriend of a couple.  It’s also a topic that I’ve been discussing a lot lately with close friends.

I am also writing now on The Femmes Guide.  It’s an interesting thing, the Femme’s guide, “a sex-positive femme queer collaborative blog”.  It was brought up the other day by the editor of the blog that we aren’t a very diverse group - that aside from one of us (me) we are all “white, fat, femmes with advanced educations.” This brings up the issue of me being an ex-fat femme.  I’ve been looking for a place to write about this phenemona - the loss of an entire human being (130 lbs. so far) and how the rules have changed.  The game is different.  I am not quite sure how to navigate through society in this new role.  I don’t want to write too much about it here yet, or else why would you bother to go there to read it, but I think it will turn into a nice article.

Well, that about covers everything I can come up with at 4 am.  I’ll be back in a few hours, at it again…

And Finish It I Did! Don't Fuck With My Children!

I’m writing this much earlier than usual - it’s not even the middle of the night.  That’s because I’ve decided to say Fuck It and leave everything on my list and in my inbox until tomorrow.  18 - 20 hour days are taking their toll on me.  My sanity anyway.  It doesn’t help that the headmaster at the school where I used to teach called me today and threatened to kick out my straight-A’s honor student of his school despite an agreement we had reached, on paper, to the contrary.  Well, not directly kick her out, but take away her faculty scholarship, which would have made it impossible to send her to school there (the difference being about $10,000).  Oh, and it should be mentioned that this happened as a result of a conversation that he had with W’s biological father, who has no legal custody of her, whatsoever (well, it was actually his wife that did it, but he’s ultimately responsible as the father, wouldn’t you agree?  Sure, she’s a bitch for nearly fucking up her stepdaughter’s shit, but he’s worse because he’s her father.)

I went into Mama Bear mode and fought viciously for what is right and won.  Nonetheless, I left the conversation shaking and just furious.  Growing up in a physically and emotionally abusive household has left me very sensitive to hitting and yelling.  Those two things just aren’t an option.  So lucky for me, I went to work out with The Dude right after this all happened.  I ran and I ran and I ran harder and faster and I ran until I didn’t feel that physical tension that accompanies anger any longer - then The Dude made me do my Abs workout, which, quite frankly, sucks.  However, it’s his opportunity to be a sadist, and the masochist in me digs it.

So now I’m at the “To hell with it”  phase of the evening where I have already smoked too much and drank too much wine and I’m leaving everything as it is until tomorrow.  It is the proverbial straw that broke this camel’s back.  For the day anyway.  Tomorrow I’ll be back to my old self, but for now, I’m just going to actually turn off my computer, turn off my cell phone, and lay in bed, smoke out, and watch AbFab, thinking about my Patsy/Eddie cohort, Naughty Secretary.

…Hasta Mañana, amigos y amantes…

I am one of those rare lucky people who have to work 7 days a week.  Not because I work for the man, but because I work for myself.  Since I work pretty much every day, and pretty much all day every day, it’s a good thing that my definition of work includes chatting with Sabrina Fox, Priapus, and Lochai and writing interviews for Claire Adams, Sgt. Major, and Bobby Knight (ProPhotoTours.com).

Today is Lochai’s opening night at the WEAM.  It’s pretty exciting, and I wish I could be there to see it for myself.  I still can’t believe I am a genuine part of making that happen.  The best I can hope for is that he will call me when he gets home, even if it’s late, and tell me all about it.  I lucked out and got to talk with both Lochai and his amazing bride, Janice.  She’s so amazing, I can’t help but adore her every bit as much as I do him.

I spent the majority of my day working on the Week in Kink and The Good Things List.  Both were late, but I noticed that the world did not fall apart.  I’ll take note of that the next time I have terrible anxiety about not getting them done on time.  I openly kissed Graydancer’s ass in The Good Things List, because it was a deal we made on Twitter to get him on board with the bestsexbloggers.com project.  This wasn’t exactly our deal, just that I was willing to kiss his ass to make it happen, and this is the only way I know how from a distance.

I didn’t work all that much this weekend, actually - it was one of the first weekends I truly set out to socialize.  Not all of my plans worked out.  Friday I had a new workout - sprints with abs and triceps.  The Dude has decided that it’s time for me to step it up and … I can’t really disagree.  I’ve been running, but now it’s time for toning.  I came home from an intense workout and managed to go out for wine and sushi with M on Friday night and somehow three glasses of wine fucked me up.  Must have been because I was so tired.  I don’t know.    We normally eat out every Friday night, but he’s training for the NY Marathon and I’m still trying to lose weight, so sushi and liquid calories seemed more appropriate.  He had a bad week and so W baked a cake or him — I know, seems counter intuitive to give a marathon runner in training a cake, but he had to run 14 miles this weekend and the carb/sugar load helped him make it through and it cheered him up, so it served it’s purpose doubly.

Saturday I was all set to go out with The Dude for an evening of inebriation, his not mine.  He flaked out on me.  It worked out in my favor.  I fell asleep at something like 6 pm and didn’t wake up until about 11 pm, when I sat up long enough to say goodnight to Marky and went back to sleep until 9 am today.  Apparently I needed a good night’s sleep.

Now here we are again, the middle of the night - time for me to wrap it up and go to bed.  I’m frustrated as hell because I can’t get images on the static pages on bestsexbloggers.com and it better not be a template issue.  If it is, I’m lucky that JC will come to my rescue and fix it.

No graceful way out of this blog post - I’m just tired and it’s time to end.  Goodnight, people…  Oh and FetLife rocks.  It is 3:46 am.  Buenas noches.

Did You Read Postsecret.com This Week? I did!

I lost count so long ago.  I guess I’m a slut.  Surprise.

This is more a rambling of thoughts than a cohesive blog post.  It’s 6:04 am as I begin this.  Let’s see when I finish.  I haven’t gone to bed yet in an attempt to get ahead.  I have so much to do and not enough time.  I’m looking for a sign that isn’t there.  I’m at a crossroads.  I’m trying to figure out whether or not to go for it or to play it safe.  My instincts tell me to go for it, that I’m on the right path, but my instincts have been wrong at least twice before, as evidenced by my two ex-husbands.

There are exciting things going on.  The Accidental Blowjob just did a site review of Catalina Loves today that was amazing and awesome.  Ellie Lumpesse is not only going to teach me to do podcasts properly, but asked to do an interview, too.  That’s rad.  This comes right after my feature on Radical Vixen’s Sex Worker Solidarity post.  The energy is moving forward.  I feel as though I am on the precipice of something.

I dig talking with JC and his girl.  I absolutely adore, nay I say maybe I love, Thursday and D.  I’m looking forward to some visits from two very sexy women in the near future.  Indeed, life is good - even Mr. F has been texting, trying desperately to connect for one of my top shelf blowjob visits.  If only there were time for it.  He doesn’t understand - I can’t just get up and leave…  I have to get beautiful stunning before I come over.  Still, I owe him one and it’s been way too long!

…I did get to actually talk to Lochai today… as in on the phone, and I did actually talk to a very famous photographer and cinematographer, Bobby Knight also.  I’m getting ready to interview Bobby very soon.  (Note to self, finish those interview questions!)

Today I spent the majority of my day finalizing a press release for Pro Photo Tours.  I wanted it to be 100% absolutely perfect.  It took a little time to get it just right.  I think I got it.  We’ll see.  I think the meat of it posts on Catalina Loves on Wednesday.  See, I know this because I just posted a blog post for every day between now and Saturday on Catalina Loves.  I think that buys me some time to work on other projects I need to be working on.  I also did a week’s worth of posts on The Momme Domme.  There is one that will post this week that is a really hot fantasy that r wrote a while back about Ms. Nikki Nefarious and I teaching him a little lesson.  Fun.  Here’s a secret:  I hate having posts written and not publishing them right away.  It’s the same reason I can’t store Christmas presents in the closet between September and Christmas.  Story of my life, I give it up too easily (ha ha).

Ugh, it’s 6:24.  I’m not in bed yet.  I’m running with The Dude today - a little bit different routine though.  I’m going to do sprints for 15 minutes and then he has a whole other workout, weightlifting, abs routine set up for me.  I asked him to give me a 100% guarantee that I’ll end up with a bod like Demi Moore, and he said he would fully refund my money if unsatisfied.   My goal weight is 120 lbs.  That seems reasonable for a girl who is 5′4″ (and a half!).  I’m getting closer so it’s time to not just do the cardio, but tone things up, too.  I’m kind of excited, and terrified.

It is 6:43.  I just finished adding the tags, checking off the categories, choosing and resizing an image, placing it and linking it, and now I’m going to hit publish and close my eyes for a few hours.  MDS is going to be so mad at me for staying up all night to work again.  One of these days I’m going to take an entire day off.  It’s weird that I’ve worked longer hours and put more effort in since quitting my job teaching, yet I’ve never been happier.

From Postsecret.com

Wow, it’s been a while, right?  Did you wonder what happened?  It was no coincidence.  I wasn’t in the hospital or even off on some amazing playfest.  In fact, part of our support of Lochai was to donate our prime real estate on our blogs through the 15th.  It was quite intentional.  But as much as I adore Lochai, and trust me, I adore Lochai every day (um yeah, he kind of figured it out), I have to write.  It’s just driving me crazy not to write every day.

So what’s been going on?  Wow, the world is melting down around me, yet things are better than ever.  Know how that is?  Like I have a friend going through a divorce, one who had to deal with her sister’s suicide attempt and also is shouldering the entire burden to now hold out hope as her cousin (who grew up as a sister) is fighting for her life at the Mayo Clinic.  Big stuff, right?  A friend I consider to be my lil’ sister was fired from her job suddenly.  She is the third of my friends to be fired suddenly and unexpectedly.  It really hits you in the gut when you don’t expect it!  Add to all of that that someone exceptionally close to me is dealing with childhood issues of abuse, emotional and sexual - it was a blessing in disguise that I didn’t post for a week so I could help my friends get through rough times.

Okay, enough of the Debbie Downer stuff.  Now the good stuff!

We couldn’t be happier that we are expecting two visitors.  It looks like an undisclosed, but very lovely friend will be coming next month to be beaten, to beat me, to be beaten again, and then maybe MDS will beat both of us and make us cum until our legs give out like the guy in the Gatorade commercial… you know the one.   While she’s here we plan to shoot with Altered Aperture, as well.  Both separately and together.  Who knows, maybe we’ll even shoot a video?  I’m also really hoping that the four of us will be able to get together with Mr. F and that she and I alone will also go for a visit over to see Mr. F.  So basically any way you can imagine having sex that weekend, we plan on it.

After that, in October, we are expecting an old friend from the past to come and visit us.  It’s not just about sex.  We love her.  She’s special to us.  We can’t wait to climb in bed together, put her between us, chill out and watch the Simpsons and just snuggle up…  but, I did tell her that I couldn’t guarantee that I wouldn’t try to fuck her and she did say, “Oh, Catalina, I’m counting on it.  Please do fuck me.”   Ok, I’ll give you a minute to process that.  Replace my name with yours and imagine it coming from one of the most beautiful women you know and happen to genuinely love.  …yeah, right?!   But wait, it gets better!  Throw Mr. F. into the picture.  What if just she and I go over to Mr. F’s house, on our knees in front of his magnificent chocolate cock and suck him off?  What if Mr. F comes over to our house and the four of us figure out all the possible combinations that four people can get each other off?  Well, really - that’s the plan.

Other news:  The site is not live yet, but we are starting a new blog project that will include the best sex bloggers I know.  Like people I can’t believe are actually wanting to put their name with mine?  Wow.  I am overwhelmed and moved all at the same time.  The amount of work in setting up a big blog where all of the best sex bloggers post in one place is very daunting.  We would be lost without the help of our Naughty Secretary, hereby known as NS.  Click on the postcard above to visit her blog! NS is the best.  I mean I love NS.  I loved her the minute I met her.  I loved her the minute I read her work.  I loved her more when I heard her voice!  She’s enchanting, and the best part of it is, she knows that she’s enchanting.  She knows every bit how sexy and smart and powerful she is, yet she has agreed to be our NS.  We have so much fun playing, texting, chatting, working, scheming, sharing secrets, and generally doing the girl stuff we would do if we were together, except for the sex.  Oh but if I had a weekend with NS…  I digress into fantasyland.  What was the point?  Oh yeah, the project.  So it’s coming along and the list of contributors is impressive.  I don’t want to give away all my secrets yet, so you’ll have to wait for the good part.  But trust me.  In my opinion, this will be our best blog project ever (and I’m pretty attached to Catalina Loves!)

Quid Pro Quo is thriving and taking in new clients.  Some of the people I’m working with on a professional level for their PR and Marketing are people that I admire.  It’s fun to do it.  I genuinely feel grateful that I enjoy my work so much.  I work a lot.  But that means that I spend my days talking to really cool people.

Well, there is so much to say…  but it is 4:23 am, and I’ve yet to sleep.  I’m going to wrap it up with this.  It’s not even a matter of insomnia.  I’m actually tired as fuck, but there was work to do.  The day was fucked up because I basically got up, went running.  I’m only 25 lbs. from my goal weight and I ran harder, faster, and farther than I’ve ever gone before.  I told my texting buddy, we work out together, that he just gave me an exercise orgasm.  Then came home and took a shower and picked W up from the airport and spent the evening with her and did a session later after she went to bed.  Sometimes there literally aren’t enough hours in the day, so you have to use them all.

With that, I’ll say night night.  It’s good to be back!

PS: Join FetLife!

This post is crazy long today - fair warning!

Life is boring and it’s exciting at the same time.  I kind of do the same thing day after day yet it’s pretty exciting!  I started trying to write sexual fantasies in Spanish, but the reality is that my Spanish isn’t really such that I know all the best sexy slang.  I guess I have a new challenge.

I talked to my friend last night, the hot little 23-year-old teacher that I used to work with, on text.  We hung out for the first time in a long time the other night and got all fucked up.  He knew about part of my secret life while we were teaching together, but not all of it.  Now that we are no longer co-workers, I let him in on a few more secrets.  It all happened because he asked me what i was doing for a living now that I’m not teaching and I mentioned being a PR and Marketing consultant, which led to a discussion of my client list, which led to the inevitable question on my part, “once you see the links to my blogs there is no going back.”  But he is a consenting adult and so he now knows.  How much he knows and what he’s read, I have no idea, but I do really value having true friends who know the true you and not just the social mask you present to most of your friends.

So anyway, it changes things a bit that we don’t work together anymore and that I’m a professional sex writer, worker, and promoter.  It doesn’t change things like all of a sudden I gave him the best head of his life, though that has crossed my mind.  He and I already had a perverted friendship to begin with, so it just really is a new level of perversion that we share in common.  Kind of nice, really.  I have a flirting fetish.

So last night I texted him to find out if he was going to go work out today (Sunday) because I wanted to go running, but instead he says he’s going to Mass and then to brunch.  Okay, I forgot that even though he’s a perverted little man that he is a good little Catholic boy.  So I said something about six different responses I started to his text but they were all too filthy.  So he asked me to send them anyway.  Again…  “Are you sure?  Are you sober?”  LOL.  Seriously.  I don’t appreciate it when people can only be sexual when drunk.  So again I realize he’s just being a little naughty.  So okay.  I play along.  Now I have to try to remember them all.

• Number 1: To sneak off somewhere during mass, one at a time, discreetly, to a place where nobody where nobody would think to look (why would we even be there, nobody would be looking).  A simple lift of the dress and quick fuck and back into mass just as casually and just as discreetly, but with a very naughty secret.
• Number 2: To park far enough away from the church that you could have a quick blow job in the car and I would go into church tasting cum on my lips.
• Number 3: To take the nice little Catholic boy and turn him into a filthy slut who has no purpose other than to satisfy me.
• Number 4: To have hot sex that morning before leaving so that while you’re sitting there in church there is cum dripping out of me into my panties and the subtle scent of my pussy on your fingers.

(He texts, “That’s four by my count, keep going.”)

• Number 5: To be sitting around at brunch with all the nice churchgoing people while messing around with each other under the tablecloth while keeping a straight face.
• Number 6: To give you a reason to confess next week after thinking such filthy thoughts about a married woman.
• Bonus 7: Because I’m competitive and I love cum and know that I am good at what I do.  I figure you’re 23 and so you’ve never had anything like me.  Nobody you’ve ever slept with has ever sucked your cock the way I would and we both know that.
• Bonus 8: It would make all the rumors from school that we were fucking true, which is hot.

So we met up for brunch today.  It was fun, kind of like old times eating together at school.  I watch him devour thousands of calories while I freak out over how many I am eating.  I give him half of my food and take a bite of his, no matter what it is.  Wait.  WTF?!  I didn’t get a taste of his food today.  Now he owes me! It is nice to be able to be perverted with friends and not have it be weird.  I like that about my friends.

Let’s see, what else?  I set up Nikki’s Altered Aperture gallery on Google Photo.  It’s nice to be able to upload galleries, set them as unlisted, and then send someone the auth key to get into the album.  I like Google for a lot of reasons, despite their invasion of privacy that they don’t even try to deny.  I also used Google Photo to make an album to send to my cookie friend to see if I can get a couple of new banners made for me.  He’s a pro and it’s so obvious in his work.   I love to fantasize about my friends.  I should write a new fantasy for my cookie friend one of these days.

I had a nice talk with Melvin about coming to Charlotte.  I really want him to do my first set of nudes and I really want him to shoot a scene with MDS and I.  He’s the perfect person to do it in my mind.   Then I talked to Nikki about shooting with Melvin - he should shoot her, she should shoot him, they should both shoot me (of course), and Nikki also talked about lining up some models she knows and doing a shootout, which I think must mean that they both shoot the same model at the same time from different angles.  Since neither of them seem like gun people or John Wayne, I think that must be what it means.  Anyway, Melvin would be coming to Charlotte as our guest and would stay with us in our home and hopefully will also join us in our cozy, comfy bed, if even just to hang out comfortably.   Who knows what else…  Melvin has a Sir and I have to watch myself from trying to make him Mine.

I came up with a genius idea for a new blog today and now I just have to implement it (buy the domain and set it up).  I can’t let the cat out of the bag yet, but you’ll soon hear about it.  I’m also working on the Quid Pro Quo website, which will soon be moved from WordPress to its own .com domain.  I am going to make a static page for each of our clients and I think it would be nice to blog about it from time to time as well.  I have amazing experiences and conversations with people that others dream of talking to.  It’s good stuff.  I’m leaving everything as a draft at this point until we move it to it’s dot com address.  It’s soooooo much work to move an established blog.  Just don’t make that mistake.  Learn from my earlier mistakes.  Patience over Populating Your Blog if you have any plans to move it at all.

That’s my Sunday.  It’s 6:25 pm.  Busy day.  How was your day?  The image is from Postsecret.com, which you should read every Sunday - it’s one of my favorite days of the week because of Postsecret!

I was going to try to write a journal entry last night, but things got all fucked up.  That seems to happen a lot in my life.

I finally made my connection with my pharmacist for my herbal prescription, so I went by his place to pick that up and even took him some cookies - the real kind, made fresh and gooey.  I ate one, but only one because I have re-committed to my ridiculously strict eating program that consists of mostly not eating.

I started running again yesterday and I was really worried that it would suck, but I did run for half an hour and I ran almost the same distance I used to run, so I haven’t lost too much.  I have definitely lost muscle and gained fat as I’ve been injured at least half of this year.  That sucks.  Motivation of the even remote possibility of shooting with Lochai someday is enough motivation to make me lose the final two sizes I need to lose to be a 4.

So running with my friend, Mike like the good old days when I still taught there.  It was really fun and really good for me in a hundred different ways.  The fucker, though…  I texted him last night, “Workout tomorrow?”  and he says, “I never workout on Saturdays.”   Shit.  And it’s a Holiday Weekend.  I fucking hate holidays.  I do.  There is never any benefit to me in holidays.  There’s no mail, everything is closed, the doctors will not refill your prescriptions on weekends or holidays, and nobody’s around.

I digress…

I left my cookie friend’s house and found out that M wouldn’t be able to keep our Friday night dinner date/fireworks in uptown from his place because of some multimillion deal he’s working on.  Okay, I get it.  A multimillion dollar deal takes precedence over dinner, but fuck.  I hate making plans and having them canceled.  I understand, don’t get me wrong - no hard feelings.  I have had to cancel on him due to family obligations before, but fuck!  He is married to his job - I am married to my family.

I came home and had a million things I wanted to get done.  If I’m not going to be out doing something then I should work.  But MDS has been feeling a little left out lately and required attention, undivided put the computer and the cell phone away attention.  So with anxiety I sat and did nothing for hours.  I know it’s good for me to do that sometimes, but it seems very unproductive.

We had great sex.  I’ll write about it on Mr. and Mrs. Kink, though.   Seems a better place for it.  I did think about Lochai coming in my mouth as I came…  I’d say that’s what put me over the top.  I texted him to tell him so this morning, too.

So now it’s Saturday.  I was awakened with a cock in my mouth and a Silver Bullet on my clit.  I was forced to come twice before I could get up and start the day.   Now I have to figure out what to do first.  It’s not a matter of what to do, just what to do first.  There’s so much to do.

I need something.  I just don’t know what it is.

Hey, I have mentioned this before, but I want to mention it again.. all of these postcards are from Postsecret.com, which I’ve written about a few times. It is a great site that I think most people probably already know about, but just in case you didn’t now you do. Check it every Sunday. Good Stuff!

Wednesday is almost over. My Mother-In-Law was in town today and we went to lunch with her. That actually worked out okay, because I haven’t seen her since losing 120 lbs., and so I got to hear all about how great I look these days and they bought us lunch :)

OMG Lochai called me today again. Okay, so it wasn’t to tell me to be in Florida this weekend on my knees, but it was still nice. I am working on an interview for Him. Says Lochai, “I love doing interviews.”

Mz. Berlin lost her phone in the ocean. Random, I know. So no wonder she wasn’t answering my calls! Ha ha, at least it’s not because I pissed her off (she is a redhead!)

W is miserable on the West Coast. She already wants to come home. She’s texting me like crazy all day long. I am a textaholic, no doubt. My friends will attest to this, I’m sure, but W can outtext me any day of the week.

My good friend, Nikki, is not feeling well. I hope she feels better tomorrow - I miss seeing her on Gchat.

Mr. F has been out of touch - he’s in the process of moving - I miss him.

FetLife rocks! If you look in my comments, you’ll see that John, (the Dom version of Tom), even left a comment in my little blog. Wow. Catalina, you’re good enough… you’re smart enough… and Gosh Darn it! People Like You! Ha ha! Actually, I seriously considered whether or not I should go on and on about FetLife in my blog because I’m concerned that it will get too big and stop being the nice community that it is. If it turns into Myspace that would be sad!

I’m almost out of my herbal anti-depressant and that is a sad state of affairs.

I think that Thursday’s Child and Narration by D would be a hot couple to play with. I’m really into both of them.

r fucked up seriously today and was punished fairly severely. It was not a physical punishment, but more psychological. You can read about it on today’s Momme Domme. In the end, after discussing the situation with him, what I realize is that r is not necessarily acting out, but was merely improperly trained. I was under the impression that r had trained with Mistress of Sorrows (I don’t know her, personally, nor have we ever spoken). What I have recently decided to be more accurate is that r had roleplaying cybersex with his ex-Mistress and needs to be trained properly. The fact is, in the beginning of our relationship I did not put the effort into training him because I don’t really do the online D/s thing, but as time has passed and our relationship has evolved - my dedication has deepened - and I do think that if he’s to do it, he must do it correctly. So… this means you can follow along on TMD and see what happens. The truth is, it is especially fascinating because r is a fully mature adult male, yet as a result of spina bifida, r is confined to a wheelchair, living at home with his parents, and remains sexually immature. Good stuff!

…time for chilling out with Marky D. Sade… I’m really hoping to reach that place that He can take me. I need it.

PS: I have a girl crush on Kinkerbelle. I want to turn her into My slut, just for a night (or two). I hope she’ll come and play one day.

Before, During, and (Almost) After…

Since writing this post on Corset and Collar, I’ve received something like 20 emails from people who want to know how I lost 120 lbs. Their questions were everything from Will you send me your diet? to Did you have a gastric bypass? I thought about writing something for a while about it, but Catalina Loves isn’t really the right place to talk about losing a ton of weight, nor are any of the rest of the blogs. So here it sits, at Catalina Says.

So the big secret to my weight loss is: Journaling. There you go. Disappointed? Confused? I know that writing a journal doesn’t have anything to do with losing weight, at least directly. But here’s why I say that writing is the secret: through writing I found a way to deal with the pain of the past while figuring out where I wanted my future to go. It really is that simple. On paper I admitted things to myself that I couldn’t/wouldn’t ever admit to a therapist. Obviously I had to change how I ate and exercise, but that truly came as a result of finding self-worth, self-esteem, and self-respect through journaling.

But, I think that the people who wrote to me are looking for more than that. Everybody in the world knows that you have to deal with your demons to lose weight, but the nuts and bolts of it is the difference between diets. My diet started very casually. I didn’t really exercise in the beginning, but keep in mind I had something like 150 lbs. to lose (I still have 30 to go) and when you cut a thousand calories in snacks out of your diet at that weight, it’s not difficult to shed pounds.

I started walking around my block at night (when nobody else was out and would see me). I can’t exercise in the morning - I can barely wake up in the morning when there is a fiscal motivator behind it. I looked at it as an opportunity to be alone and listen to music, which are two things I don’t get enough of. It kind of sucked at first. Let’s be honest, if I found it to be fun, I would have been doing it all along. However, I envisioned myself thinner and I really wanted it. So, I focused on the music and just kept walking.

Within a few months I was doing yoga. On FitTV you can do just about any kind of exercise class you can imagine, but in your bedroom with the door closed and the curtains drawn. Namaste Yoga is a really gentle yoga and I started by doing that. It’s only a half an hour, which means once you fast forward through commercials it is only a 22 minute workout, which I figured just about anyone can do (even me). I had done yoga in the past, but wasn’t a fan. Maybe it’s because I felt so self-conscious the entire time in a public class that I couldn’t fully participate in yoga. I moved onward and upward to Oxygen’s Inhale Yoga, which is more intense and is an hour long. It kicks my ass, still. Even now when it sucks, I still envision myself looking the way I want to look and I continue on.

I started running and messed around with lifting weights in the fall last year, but I haven’t been running lately since I quit my job and no longer have access to the faculty gym. It’s way to hot to run outside here, and I still don’t really like to exercise in public, so I doubt I’ll be running anytime soon. At some point I hope to be able to afford a gym membership so that I can lift weights and swim, though.

As for diet: There really is no secret. You already know it. Eat well and eat often. Duh. I did not have a gastric bypass. I think it’s not a bad alternative, but I wasn’t really willing to go through the B.S. to get it approved and paid for by the insurance company, and I certainly couldn’t afford to do it without. The path of least resistance was self-discipline. I had to expect demand more of myself. I had to choose every day to eat right. I ate oatmeal every day for lunch for almost a year. I eat a lot of steamed broccoli, cauliflower, pork, and chicken. I only eat after 8 pm if it is truly a special occasion, like a dinner party, where someone else has control over dinnertime. I eat every three hours, but only about a hundred calories at a time. I try not to eat over 1,000 calories a day (and when I do, I kind of freak out). I haven’t eaten fast food since February of 2007, I didn’t eat dessert for a year, and I completely cut snack foods like chips and cookies.

Self-discipline has become a very important part of my life. It gives me a lot of strength to know that I have the self-discipline to do what it takes to achieve my goals. However, I have to say that I don’t recommend my diet plan to anyone. I know that it has flaws, so please don’t point that out. I don’t have enough variety, I don’t eat enough calories in a day, and I’m too rigid about food. I think that in ways I am cuckoo about food now. I have recently tried to lighten up on Friday nights when I go out to dinner with my friend, because nobody enjoys eating dinner with someone who won’t eat dinner. The only difference is that I sometimes have a martini or two, and I sometimes eat dessert. That’s a huge step for me, though. At first I was convinced that I would gain five pounds overnight, but that hasn’t happened (yet).

So there you have it. The Secret To Weight Loss is Self-Respect. I think maybe I’ll write more on the subject. Writing this it reminds me to write about how losing 120 pounds. has changed my life and relationships.